THIS IS AN EXTRACT OF A CONVERSATION I HAD WITH A FRIEND ON SKYPE
- (He runs a lot)
- Him: I'll never be a great athlete
- Him: Like
- Him: I'm so fucking tired
- Him: My butt hurts
- Him: My ass fucking burns from yesterday's workout
- Him: It hurts to sit
- Him: DAMMIT
- Him: MAKE IT STOP
- Me: This
- Me: This could be interpreted in such great ways
- Me: But I'm gonna stay respectful
- Me: And not make any joke about what you just said
- Him: What
- Him: HOW
- Him: I DON'T UNDERSTAND
- Me: YOU DON'T WANNA
- Him: TELL ME NOW
- Him: PLEASE
- Me: Dude, just
- Me: Just reread what you just fucking wrote
- Him: I did
- Him: SEVERAL TIMES
- Me: JUST
- Me: UGH
- Me: DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT
- Him: THAT IS WHY I AM ASKING
- Him: DAMMIT GABE JUST EXPLAIN
- Me: ...
- Me: Lets just say that just because I'm a grey ace doesn't mean I can stop from seeing twisted sexual innuendos everywhere
- Him: I DON'T SEE WHAT'S SEXUAL ABOUT MY ASS HURTING FROM A WORKOUT
- Him: EXPLAIN
- Him: I HATE NOT KNOWING THINGS
- Me: You
- Me: YOU JUST FUCKING SAID IT YOURSELF
- Him: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat
- Me: ARE YOU DOING THIS ON PURPOSE
- Him: NO WHAT THE FUCK MAN
- Me: NO WAY DUDE I'M LAUGHING
- Him: WHY STOP IT
- Him: YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL DUMB
- Him: I'M GETTING SAD
- Me: HOW ARE YOU NOT SEEING IT
- Him: SEEING WHAT
- Me: GAY SEX INNUENDOS
- Him: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
- Me: WTF YOU CAN'T BE THAT INNOCENT
- Him: WHAT THE FUCK
- Him: I'M NOT INNOCENT
- Him: I'M NOT A CHILD TO BE PROTECTED
- Him: THAT'S YOU
- Him: WITH YOUR INNOCENT ALABASTER CREAMY WHITE SKIN
- Me: THEN REREAD YOUR FUCKING MESSAGES
- Me: Also what the fuck
- Him: I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING
- Me: ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND
- Him: MY BUTT IS SORE BECAUSE I WORKED THE MUSCLES TOO HARD
- Him: I DON'T UNDERSTAND
- Him: JESUS
- Him: JFC
- Him: Holy God
- Him: UNHOLY LUCIFER
- Him: COULD YOU PLEASE STOP MAKING FUN OF ME AND JUST SPIT IT OUT
- Me: Dude no
- Him: WHY
- Him: ADRIEN
- Me: BECAUSE I'M STILL WONDERING WHETHER YOU'RE JUST BEING GENUINLY BLIND TO ALL THOSE STUPID POTENTIAL JOKES
- Him: I AM LITERALLY BEGGING
- Me: OR IF YOU'RE JUST SHITTING ME
- Him: HOW THE FUCK COULD MY BASIC TOOL OF A SORE ASS BE SHITTING YOUR ALMIGHTILY INTELLIGENT BRAIN RIGHT NOW
- I ALREADY SAID I'M A SHIT ACTOR
- GET OVER YOURSELF AND FUCKING TELL ME
- Me: God I wish you could see the wiggly eyebrows I'm making right now
- Him: TELL ME
- Me: Just
- Me: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST DUDE
- Him: I WAS BEING A WHINY BITCH
- ABOUT MY CURRENTLY FLAMING ASS
- Him: WHAT
- WHAT
- WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY ABOUT MY BUTT
- Me: DUDE
- Me: I AM SO POSTING THIS ON TUMBLR
- Him: NO
- Him: HOOOOOOOOLY FUCKING SHIT DON'T YOU DARE
- Me: Dude when they post comments you'll probably get that fucking joke
- Him: I KNOW YOU WERE IMPLYING I HAD A MEAT ROD SHOVED UP MY ASS
- POUNDED LIKE A PROSTITUE
- DON'T DO THAT
- Me: ...
- Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
- Him: Nope Nope Nope
- Him: Don't do that
- Me: THIS WAS MAGNIFICIENT
- Him: OH MY GOD
- Him: IF MY PARENTS SEE THIS
- Me: DUDE THIS IS COMEDY GOLD
- Him: ...
- Him: Just don't mention my fucking name
